I wasted a whole day sitting in front of the laptop today. Instead of feeling like I've accomplished something, I just realised what a waste I've been. But I still think it's worth the time anyway. Maybe there won't be time to continue watching tomorrow but oh well. I have 6 weeks of holidays. I should work really hard this time, and then I'll have less time thinking about things that I hoped I had and disappointments from what I've expected from people around me. When we were young, everyone was my friend. Nobody had secrets. Actually they did, but most of the time they'll say things like "xxx said this is a secret, don't tell anybody okay. And blahblahblah". And you kinda don't hide anything from anyone either. It was that naive. I miss those times, when people only had one face, when dislike is shown and not masked.

I've been thinking of creating a private blog, tumblr or livejournal or another blogger. One which nobody knows, which nobody follows, and nobody else reads. I kinda need something to rant into, not a person anymore. Love always trusts. But trust has to be earned. And nobody is an exception. Sometimes I feel like I'm sharing with people, and really, not the other way round. Like I'm this open book, while everyone else is this really thick book with many lockets. I regret being truthful and honest while nobody else actually is.